The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
