I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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