Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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