I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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