i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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