saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
