Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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