he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
