Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
