I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
