We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
