is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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