What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
