proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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