i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
