it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
