You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
