She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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