Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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