The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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