I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
