I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
