Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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