Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
