tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
