Pants 0. Shit 1.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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