I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
