No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
