you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
