Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The feeling are messing with the penis
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize