I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
