just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
