I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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