Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
