my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize