FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
