This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
