He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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