I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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