Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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