No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
