Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
