shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize