Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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