My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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