I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
