I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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