Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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