there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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