Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
