Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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