Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
