He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
