Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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