why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk is a universal language darling
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