Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
