How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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