today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
