The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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