No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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