I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
accomplished twins. life is a go
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
