Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
