I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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