Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
