i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
