Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
