This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
