My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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