Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
