You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
