Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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