i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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