my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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