I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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