I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
