you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
