I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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