Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
