Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize