How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize