She said her name was "party"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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