i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
