Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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