I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
