I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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