I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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