New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
