he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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