My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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